well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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