Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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