You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
