i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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