look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
