it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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