I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Found the puke drawer
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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