you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
