I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
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I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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