there's paper in my vomit.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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