I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
