I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
