I'm gonna have a badass scar
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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