yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
