Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
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Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
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I just really need a hug and a shower beer
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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