She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
