At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Randomize
