he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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