I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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