I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
