The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
