I'm drive I can fine osifer
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
