Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
COCAINE IS GR8
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
