Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
