Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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