you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.