your room smells of hookers.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.