im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
