ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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