sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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