I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
well I can't set my house on fire every night
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I wish there were birth control emojis
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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