So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
