Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
