Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
