No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
