we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
where does the pee come out of this thing
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
