thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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