I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
pray to the hookup gods
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
