I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
