3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
cat food counts as protein by the way
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
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