Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
