We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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