Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Randomize
