Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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