Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
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After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Randomize
