The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
