i barfeds in our rink
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
