Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
