i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
