Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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