as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
3 2 1 whiskey
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
