Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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