i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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