Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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