trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
