well I can't set my house on fire every night
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
