Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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