OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
