If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Randomize
