what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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