Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
