You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
