He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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