I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
