Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
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