absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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