I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Randomize
