i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I'm passing your future prison.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
