Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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